Engaged

I, like most, have made up futures in daydreams, fixed my past in late night musings and lost the present in current contemplation. Sitting her now it all seems arbitrary. Hours lost pretending to control and change what already is, as if my thoughts had a say in altering reality. Knowing what I know now, I am grateful that they don't. It's silly that I spent so much time thinking on something when it always was.

It was always him. It was never the girlish fantasies or the fleeting crushes or the hours spent on “Who?” It was never the people I'd pegged out as possibilities. No, it had always been him. Even when I didn't know him, even when his name echoed no meaning to me. He breathed miles away being prepared for me.

I didn't know that it would be like this. So, exactly right. My soul satiated with a messy, sacrificial, relentless imperfect love. Modeled after a love Most High from a God unremitting in his pursuit of us.  The core of who we are together is the Truth manifested through Jesus Christ. In the end it’s never really been about us it’s about Him.  Knowing we are not the centerpieces of the cosmos and yet still important to Whom is, is both freeing and honoring.

I am better for loving him and being loved by him. He pushes me and will not let me settle when I can go further, try harder, or do better. He accepts me for who I am with my selfish nature and my abundant flaws. He sees the bad and the good and loves me in totality.

Here we are at the decision to live life together. To become one before ourselves, our families, our friends, and our Creator. To me, it is not settling down, it is preparing for the great adventure. It is the decision to choose him every day. To grow, change, and humble myself for him. Undoubtedly this is exactly right. 

All this is to say; He asked, I said yes.